


Four (and a half) Times Maizey Woke Up In Bed Alone, + One Time She Didn't

by redgoth



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), The Hotdaga - Fandom
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 23:56:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15807156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redgoth/pseuds/redgoth
Summary: Maizey wasn't an early riser.[ how did this happen. why did i write this. read this you motherfuckers. ]





	Four (and a half) Times Maizey Woke Up In Bed Alone, + One Time She Didn't

**Author's Note:**

> 2AM griffin: i have........ an idea.........  
> noon griffin: i hate this. why did you write this? i'm going to post this and you're going to live with it.
> 
> what's UP i wrote hotdaga fic because my brain is apparently fried. deep fried, if you will.
> 
> it's a humanoid au because i can only lose myself so much. everyone 'from' earth is human. plupples are aliens although they aren't mentioned here so. the only ones from earth who aren't (currently) humans are pam and baby brandon. ghost pam was also turned into a hotdog and baby brandon's a raccoon because those were funny to me. thank u.

1.

When Maizey awoke from her slumber, she had a splitting headache, bleary eyes, and an odd feeling in her belly.

Her room looked as it usually did, although with a bit more clothes tossed about the floor, there was a half empty bottle of vodka on her desk and oh wait, yes, now she remembered what happened. Or who happened. Shit.

She groaned at the memory of last night, of being a bit too drunk for any normal social interactions, of meeting one damn hot lady with soft blonde hair. Maizey flopped back down into the mess of pillows, groaning both at the sudden movement and the fact that said fine lady was probably long gone by now.

It was a shame, too, because even drunk as all hell, Maizey could tell she could very easily have fallen in love with… with… shit, she didn’t even know her name. That just made this whole situation _worse._ Now she couldn’t even, like, hit her up on Facebook or anything. _Fuck._ You useless lesbian.

She could stay in bed forever just to get rid of the feeling of sadness and mild irritation at letting Hot Unnamed Blonde slip away.

She could, if it weren’t for the fact that her mouth was as dry as a desert and it was driving her absolutely nuts. With a sigh, she pushed herself out of bed, stabilizing herself on the bedpost, and blearily leaving her bedroom to roam around her apartment.

There was a noise in the kitchen that made Maizey stop dead in her tracks. _There’s no way,_ she thought.

She picked up her speed, rounding the corner only to find the same Hot Blonde from the night before, standing over her stove, a carton of eggs beside her. Maizey gasped, and the other woman glanced back, eyes wide, but quickly melting into a shy smile.

“Oh, good morning.” She said. “Sorry, I hope you don’t mind me breaking into your fridge… I made breakfast.” She dished up the eggs and a piece of toast and handed them over to Maizey, who stared at her in awe and complete adoration.

Oh, Maizey did not mind at  _all._

 

2.

When Maizey woke up, she was alone in her girlfriend’s bed. This wasn’t unusual, Gebra was usually up before Maizey, making breakfast, getting ready for the day, being the beautiful morning person she was wont to be. Maizey took a deep breath of the scents of her girlfriend’s room, and rolled over, pressing her face into her Gebra’s pillows.

And right into a sticky note.

Maizey sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she grabbed the note. A smile came to her lips as she read.

_To my dear, lovely girlfriend, Maizey:_

_I hope you slept well, love! I have a job interview today at 10, and I wanted to get some grocery shopping done before it gets too late, so I probably won’t see you until later tonight after you get home from work :( Text me if you get the chance!!! I love you!!! <3_

_Signed, your lovely & dear girlfriend, Gebra_

Maizey grinned, flopping back down into the pile of pillows.

God, she loved her girlfriend so much.

 

3.

Maizey woke up in an empty bed in the hotel room she shared with her _fiancée,_ and all but _threw_ herself out of bed as soon as she opened her eyes, landing on her hands and knees but popping right back up, like a popcorn kernel under heat.

The shower was running in the bathroom area, and Gebra’s sweet voice rang through the hotel room.

“Babe!” Maizey shouted, scavenging the room for a shirt. “Geb!”

The singing stopped, and Maizey almost regretted calling out to her, until she spoke.

“Yes, dear?” She said, yelling over the running water.

“Geb, we’re getting _married!”_ Maizey said, pulling on one of Gebra’s shirts and wandering to the bathroom door, pressing her head against the wood. “Get out of the shower, I need to show you affection.”

“We’ll have a lifetime of affection ahead of us, Maize,” Gebra laughed, “let me get clean first!”

Maizey, in response, groaned, thumping her head against the door.

(When Gebra opened the door, it took everything in Maizey's power to not pounce on her and cover her face with kisses.)

 

4.

Maizey wakes up somewhere cold. The mattress is hard and uncomfortable, and there’s no natural light shining in through the windows. There's only the red and blue lights of the ship.

She’s on the Starship Minestrone, she remembers. She’s in space.

There’s a head of blond hair in the bed next to her, and it makes her heart cry when she realizes it’s her brother-in-law and not her wife.

Her wife who is dead but also doesn’t _actually_ exist? Maizey’s too tired for this horseshit.

Maizey sits up slowly, quietly, as not to disturb the others.

The other, Maizey notes. Goondis and Mike’s beds are empty.

She slips out of bed, taking a glance back at Gene before slowly heading out, into the corridor.

Since joining Mike and Gene on the Starship Minestrone, Maizey had taken to roaming the halls of the ship when she couldn’t sleep. Which ended up being most nights, seeing as holograms, even witch holograms, don’t really need sleep. It’s just a thing she can pretend to do for a few hours before getting bored and needing something to distract her.

Stupid witch hologram self.

Something creaks and Maizey stops, eyes roaming the dark hallway. She clenches her fists and grits her teeth.

“Pam, I know you’re somewhere on this ship, and frankly, right now, I don’t give a shit that we’re working on the same side or that you’re a tiny little hotdog ghost, if I see even a glimpse of your shitty bun, I’m going to kick your ghost ass into next Thursday.” She says, quiet but full of rage.

The hallway is silent, which is probably for the best, seeing as if Pam did decide to respond, even with an ‘okay, bye,’ Maizey would have lost her shit. She continues on with her walk.

It doesn’t take long for her to end up in the so-called recreation room. There, the TV is playing quietly, and she finds Mike and Doctor Goondis on the couch. Goondis is sitting in the corner of the couch, with Mike asleep in his lap. Maizey takes a seat on the armchair closest to Goondis.

“Evening, Maizey.” Goondis says, just barely loud enough to hear. “How are you doing this fine space-night?”

Maizey considers her answer for a moment. She rubs at her eyes. “I’m tired and angry and I miss my wife.” She answers honestly. Goondis nods his head, giving her a comforting smile.

“Well, I think that’s understandable.” The Doctor says, and Maizey slumps further into the chair.

“It’s just… garbage, I keep thinking that I want things to go back to the way they were, but that was all… fake.” She scrubs her face with her hands. There’s tears forming in her eyes and she blinks them away. “I’ve only existed for like, a week and a half? And everything I remember was created. I’m a fictional lesbian created to help a shitty witch kill the people I care about.”

“That’s very meta.” Goondis says.

“So _fucking_ meta.” Maizey whispers.

Mike snores from Goondis’s lap, and the Doctor runs his hand through his graying hair. “Well, even if you’re just a holographic lady, I think your wife would be very proud of what you’re doing.” He says, giving her a smile. “Going back in time to save the world, and all.”

Maizey considers it for a moment. “I don’t know.” She says. “I think the whole ‘saving the world’ thing is just… a side effect of saving my wife.” Honestly. Her intentions weren’t really… _that_ noble. If anything, she considered her plan more selfish and spawned from a mix of love and spite than anything. So, a witch breathes life into your being only to rip away all the things you care about? Makes you feel love and excitement and adoration only to drop your wife into a volcano? Cool, cool, guess now you have to go back in time to save your fake hologram wife with your fake hologram self and exist just to spite the now dead, now small, now hotdog witch who put you into this situation. Even if you are working on the same side for now. Fuck you, Pam. Fuck the Dark Master. What the fuck.

“Still,” Goondis says, breaking her out of her thoughts, “you're doing more than a lot of people are.”

That’s because a lot of people are dead, Maizey thinks, but she shrugs. She just wants to see her wife.

The conversation slows as they turn their focus to the TV, still quietly playing some shitty space sitcom.

It’s not long after that Maizey falls asleep once more, curled up in the armchair, listening to Mike snore and an irritating laugh-track.

 

4.5

When Maizey wakes up a few hours later, she’s back in bed in the sleeping quarters. Gene is still fast asleep, but now Goondis and Mike are in bed, too. She's been tucked into bed like a child.

Yeah, this whole situation still sucks... but she doesn’t feel as alone in the universe.

 

+1

When Maizey opens her eyes, the house isn’t the one she remembered. It wasn’t the apartment she had spent years with her then-girlfriend together, wasn’t the home she proposed in.

But those places were fake, just an imaginary situation.

There’s a warmth surrounding her that’s real. There’s an arm wrapped around her, keeping her close. There’s a face pressed against her shoulder, and she can feel her wife’s breath on her bare skin. Maizey wiggles out of Gebra's hold, turning over to face her. She's still asleep, but her face is a little scrunched up after Maizey had moved. Maizey smiles, scooting closer and pressing kisses to her wife's face. Seconds later, she opens her eyes, and the two simply gaze into the other's eyes.

They giggle. Maizey presses another kiss to her lips. Gebra smiles, holding her closer.

"I love you." Maizey whispers against Gebra's lips, and Gebra gives her a quick kiss.

"I love you, too." She says, and Maizey smiles, blinking away the tears that form in her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> #chimeoff in the comments if i should write more hotdaga fic with cliche tropes...... hey......


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